i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
