so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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