these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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