Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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