My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
