i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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