just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The ass gains better be worth it
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