I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
