He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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