I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
