Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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