Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dear god my vagina.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
