Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
