I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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