just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
