Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
