It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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