What a fucking waste of an outfit
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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