I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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