Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Found the puke drawer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
