And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
organizing the empties. That sober.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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