Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
