At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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