last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
