There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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