The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
