Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
