if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
