Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
