I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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