oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
