ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
