not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
