Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
