i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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