my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
