Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
