bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
