The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
