K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
