so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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