I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
