She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
