I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
