Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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