He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
