My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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