i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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