so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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