You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
