I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
