I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
jump out the window naked night went bad
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
