guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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