i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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