***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
