he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
