Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
