Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
