The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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