as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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