dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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