So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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