my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
